Going to therapy

I know I have problems...so I go to therapy...I figure it will also help my therapeutic skills.

Therapeutic experience #1: Therapy is scary...Maybe I'm not ready...I have problems.

I have problems...problems got worse...they affect my work...and my ability to feel normal....don't say "define normal."

Therapeutic experience #2: driven by lack of normality...I see therapist #2.
Intake: not so bad..so far I haven't run out the door. But she's not pushing my buttons...whether or not this is a good thing, is questionable..I like her...

Session 1: It becomes apparent that I'm EXTREMELY anxious...and I love my anxiety...I love being stressed...it drives me...I get things done...but it's a problem. I'm flighter not a fighter. Avoiding is what I do best...and being busy and stressing and anxiety keeps me busy so that I can avoid some more. (I told her that if she puts me on the surgical table to work on this issue, I'm sure I'll die in the process...she says to think of it as an illness that won't kill me...I still think I'll die.)
Sooooo, my therapist tells me that I have to work on my anxiety. I want to know WHY I'm the way I am...she refuses to give in and tells me that I will either trust her and work on my anxiety or I will continue to be consumed with my worry of knowing the future and intellectualizing everything. Damn she's good. She's a hard ass too...I LOVE that and I hate that...she's starting to scare me...or maybe the process is starting to scare me.
So now I know I have to work on my anxiety...and it's FREAKING me out. She tells me to try a "5 things" technique: say 5 things I see, 5 things I hear, 5 things I feel...4 things I see, 4 things I hear, 4 things I feel....all the way to 1. Just thinking about doing this task, and when I did it with her...made me anxious. I wanted to laugh so bad...that was the only thing that brought my anxiety down.
She also told me that I should reconstruct my thoughts. The problem is I can't tell the difference between my bad thoughts and my good thoughts...I've lived with my bad thoughts for so long I don't even realize they're bad.

Bad thought number 1: I need to know.
Bad thought number 2: Committment is bad...or I want to be free...or I don't really know how to define this thought.
Bad thought number 3: I have to fix everything.
Bad thought number 4: I have to do everything.
Bad thought number 5: I need to know.
Bad thought number 6: I can't do anything until I know.

5 things...5 things...5 things. I hope this works...and I'm so going to die.

Bad thought number 7: I'm going to die.