My New Job

After all of the excitement of graduation, Noche de la Familia, and my vacation to Puerto Rico I had to deal with process of starting my new job. Two short days after graduation I started my new job as a program coordinator for a low-cost/no-cost community based health outreach program for children. I am happy to report that I survived the first week unscathed. I will not sugar coat my first day on the job experience. I had the foresight…thanks to my grant writing and program design professor at SC, to read the contract that our program has with the County, so thankfully on the first day I already had an understanding of the program. However, nothing could have prepared me for my first staff meeting at 9:00 a.m. only an hour after I started my new job. Immediately when I was told at 8:45 a.m. about my first staff meeting I began thinking about what my leadership style is and how I can best convey that in my initial meeting with my new staff. Then I suddenly became ever grateful to the school of social work for making me take my Leadership class, and of course I perused my Organizational Behavior material to refresh my memory. Our first staff meeting went really well. The only odd thing was that I had two people ask me for days off on my very first day and I felt so odd “granting” their days off. I have also had to sign for three raises in the past week as I had to approve the raises. There has been an immediate shift in my role from student to supervisor, but by Tuesday I started feeling more comfortable with my role as a leader. Overall, I felt prepared for the entire weeklong experience. I have had to review past contracts, future contracts, I have had to accompany my staff to their community-based outreach events, I have had to grant days off, approve salary increases, while simultaneously planning for the establishment of the infrastructure of our new program. There have been numerous challenges this week, but to be completely honest I feel that I was prepared. Also, my present supervisor was my former field instructor and we have built a strong working relationship so I trust that she would not allow me to flounder. A combination of preparation and support allowed me to successfully complete my first week of work as a macro-level practitioner.

Worse Exam EVER!

Okay, this is my last blog on my economics class. This class has been a HUGE challenge. All of my energy for the past five days has been dedicated to this one class. I haven't even bought my graduation regalia because I couldn't pull myself away from the econ books to go to the bookstore. Don't get me wrong it isn't riveting material or anything, I just had to make sure I got all of the information. The exam was absolutely challenging. I used up every second of the two hours allotted to me, but I walked away having double checked all of my answers. Overall, I am just ecstatic to be done with economics!

An Indescribable Phenomenon

So, this whole graduate program in Social Work is like an indescribable phenomenon. Well almost, but I will attempt to succinctly put into words what this entire experience has done for me. As I finished my last day of classes in social work and I processed with my professors and classmates about our experiences in the USC School of Social Work I had so many thoughts and emotions associated with the topic that it was almost overwhelming. I entered this program knowing nothing about social work except for my experiences as a recipient of social work services. I walked into this school with a group of people who I didn’t know and frankly I wasn’t too interested in knowing. However, much to my surprise I have gotten to know so many of my classmates on a personal level and I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to have met and established friendships with so many wonderful people. Never in my life have I felt like I belong more than I have in the past two years. Please do not get me wrong, I acknowledge the differences between myself and many of my classmates and professors. However, being in a school where all individuals there have the same underlying beliefs and values is a unique phenomenon that does not occur very often. Our faculty and staff is also highly represented by social workers so I have been immersed in the world of social work. I started the program a graduate student, but I quickly began to identify as a social worker. After examining my personal and professional development throughout the last two years I recognize that there is method to the school’s madness. Yes we are placed in immersion, but why? Well we need to understand communities, but I mean truly understand community. Yes, we are placed in seminar with classmates for a whole year, but why? Because we gain a cohesive bond that provides support and familiarity. Yes, we chose concentrations, but why? Because even though we all are dedicated to social work our passions differ and we should all be allowed to pursue what we love. I love sitting in class with other students who are passionate about macro-level social work and I love having had the opportunity to sit in class with professors who have done great things as macro-practitioners. I love being able to go to my faculty or staff and know that there is a social worker sitting across from me who can empathize. I love that I have been able to be a part of a caucus where I feel a sense of belonging, and I love the fact that if that caucus wasn’t there the school would support me in starting a caucus. I love that I can do research and assist professors in contributing to the social work knowledge base. I love that I can tutor and share what I have learned with my fellow classmates and future colleagues. Now I walk away with a feeling of satisfaction knowing that I took advantage of every lesson and opportunity that was made available to me. Overall, this experience has been amazing and I am saddened by the fact that I have to leave, but I am so happy that I have had the opportunity to have such a beautiful experience.

Last Tuesday

I can't believe this is my last week...and today was my last "Tuesday"....SAD!

Looking back:

I'm glad I read my own academic books...
I'm glad I met with social work friends to talk shop...ie. social justice and community change...yay!
I'm glad I got involved this last year...at school...at internship...and at home...and in the community.
I'm glad I refused to let go of my values.
I'm glad I was given the opportunity to give back to my school.
I'm glad I met some pretty awesome first years.
I'm glad I went to therapy...helped me to kick the coffee...(WOW!)
I'm glad I was picky about my electives.
I'm glad I chose to look outside the box at my internship.
I'm glad I went to Skid Row.
I'm glad I'm a SOCIAL WORKER.

Looking forward:

I'm glad I have a job.
I'm glad I feel empowered at my new job.
I'm glad I have the opportunity to ADVOCATE at my new job.
I'm glad I'm working with an agency and people I believe in.
I'm glad I'm working in an agency where I can utilize my macro skills.
I'm glad I'm happy.
I'm glad I'm a SOCIAL WORKER.
...oh yeah...I'm glad I've been 25 days sober! (one day at a time...)

Update on Termination

Yesterday at my placement, I had to say goodbye to 5 of my clients. I really didn't think it was going to be difficult because last week seemed to go so smoothly. However, I surprisingly felt some pangs of sadness despite my feelings last week that it would not be difficult! I guess I don't have a heart of steel! One of my clients was unable to be there because he ended up in the hopsital. I was really bummed out that I wouldn't be able to see him for one last time or to say goodbye. This was really surprising to me since he had been one of the most difficult clients to work with and I generally did not feel that I was attached to any of my clients. Wrong and wrong again. I called his hopsital room to say goodbye and find out how he was doing and the entire time I felt this sinking feeling in my stomach. I was NOT happy with our relationship ending without seeing each other. It felt artificial saying goodbye over the phone and really...NOT final. I found myself wishing that he could've been able to come in so we could say a "proper" goodbye. Ah! It just goes to show you that social workers must constantly try to balance their feelings of attachment and keep their professional boundaries. All of my clients wanted me to give them my phone number or e-mail so they could keep in touch with them since I had become a friend figure in the theraputic process. Now of course, I can't give out that info to them, even though I have the same wonderings about what they will be doing with their life in the future. Thank goodness I have one more year left so I can have more practice figuring out this balance!!!

Two more weeks!!

One more week of field and then my first year field placement is over. Wow...what a feeling. I am not sure where the time went. It seems like just yesterday I was meeting my field instructor for the first time. I have met a lot of great people there and will miss them greatly. My first year placement was a joy and something that I will take with me to my second year placement. On Monday begins a new chapter in my graduate education. It is the time where I start making calls to my second year choices and set up interview dates and times. I am a bit nervous but mostly excited. This coming week will be extremely busy. I have a presentation in my practice class which is not my favorite thing to do because speaking in front of even 15 people makes me a bit nervous. Although, this week will be fun because in some of my classes we are having a potluck to celebrate the end of the year and end of the semester. This should be fun and pretty laid back. It is hard to imagine that this year is almost over. The summer is much needed yet I am going to miss a lot of great people over the summer since I will be out of town most of the summer.

Erica's Graduate Survival Tips

I thought it might be useful to share some of the techniques that I have utilized throughout graduate school to survive : ) that have been very effective. The techniques are listed in no particular order.

1. Learn to write in APA format accurately....so buy the APA handbook.

2. Attend all brown bags possible. Not only will you gain an immense amount of knowledge, but most of the time they have great free food.

3. Always have quarters ready for the parking meters on Jefferson. The parking right in front of the school of social work is great because of its proximity and its $1 for four hours.

4. Always send a back up copy of all papers, and presentations to your own e-mail in case of emergency. This is extremely useful when you forget to bring your thumb drive to your final presentation : ).

5. Keep your eyes open for opportunities on campus and seize the moment. There are a number of great opportunities on campus for work that will bring in some extra income. Working side jobs on campus is not only convenient, but you get to know the faculty and staff much better.

Termination Lunch

Today my internship placement had a termination lunch for myself and another intern. During the lunch I was asked some challenging questions. I was asked what I learned...I had a difficult time verbalizing how much I have learned about macro level social work, and about the culture of large bureaucratic social service organizations that function like large machines. I am walking away having learned so much and it would take a very long time for me to share all of that information. I have also had several challenges as an intern that I was able to overcome and they have been invaluable to my learning process. Overall, my learning experience as an intern has been rich and full of opportunities as well as challenges but I am officially ready to move on.

The "Final" Countdown

Sometimes, you start to get panicked thinking about all the assignments you need to turn in before you get to call it quits for the summer. All of my friends seem to be experiencing the same hightened levels of anxiety. About two weeks ago, I made a list in my notebook called the "Final" Countdown. (ha, yes, I think i'm funny!) I had 7 papers to write, 2 tests to study for, and 2 presentations to give. All within the last 4 weeks of school (and the week of finals I guess following). Seeing it on paper helped me plan for it. I'm almost done with one of my finals now, and soon I'll start studying for my last test in research. This is the busiest time of year! I'm also trying to coordinate where I'll be living next year and a job for the summer and packing up all my stuff to move back home for the summer! It's crazy!! Somehow, I've still managed to get things done...I think having read so much at the beginning really helped out now. All I have to focus on is the writing of the papers...and doing additional research, but that always seems like a non-stop process. I AM really looking forward to being done. I think we need a break when we don't have a bunch of deadlines hanging over our heads or assignments to worry about. I told one of my friends that I wasn't going to do any learning this summer, and he just laughed at me and said, "yeah right, you'll start reading for next year!" Unfortunately, he's probably right. I really want to buy some of my books in advance...although I'm not sure how I'm going to figure out what books to buy! Maybe I'll just go to Borders and get a ton of books that look interesting to me that are related to social work...I mean let's be serious, we are going to use references for our papers, so it'll help in the long run! I'm always looking ahead towards the future...but maybe I should learn to live more in the moment. Who knows! If I had more time, I could contemplate that further, but for now...I'm off to getting things checked off my list! 2 more weeks!!!! Crazy!!! Scary, exciting, and hectic all at the same time!

The Team of MIcro and Macro Level Practice

This coming week holds a lot more stress then I care to talk about. I have my last research exam, which I am a bit nervous about and am feeling a bit apprehensive as well. Also I am terminating with most of my clients, which leaves me feeling a little sad. One of my clients has asked to continue in therapy and it has been my recommendation that they continue however due to the lack of resources the client will be referred out to county mental health. It seems a bit disappointing for me since he has grown attached to the agency as a whole and will now be asked to seek services elsewhere because at my agency the interns do most of the therapeutic services therefore when we all leave the agency lacks counseling services. On a more academic and policy level this just tells me there is a lot of work to be done on a more macro level. Making changes at an organizational level takes political changes, which again reinforces the micro-macro team. I have learned a lot about myself as well as the power of policy while working at this agency and it has inspired me to be not only a great clinician but also a superb advocate.

leaving MSW =(

I'm in denial about leaving my program. I loved this last year immensely. The elective courses were amazing, my teachers were amazing, I met people through networking with my intership (an opportunity that I would not have had elsewhere.) Moving on was sad when I wasn't sure where I was going and although I'm still in denial, the end is sneeking up quickly....and the future looks bright.

Termination...the hardest part for me

Well, as we all prepare for termination with our first year, I realize that the hardest part for me isn't with my clients, but with my field instructor. Now by saying this, I do not mean to imply that my clients are not important to me. I think each one of them will always hold a special place in my heart, but I've always considered all of the people I've met in my life in that way. Everyone has an impact on you...large or small. My clients have helped me grow and learn so many life lessons too...I really feel that I've matured as an individual as well as a social worker. I've never really struggled with goodbyes because I've always been one to look to the future and say, "This was great, I've learned a lot...what's next!" However, leaving my field instructor is going to be tough! For awhile, I couldn't quite put my finger on why I felt sad about saying goodbye to him, but I realized it was because he did such an amazing job this year, I am worried that next year I won't get someone as good!! He's been an amazing guide on this journey and I can't thank him enough for drilling me on Cognitive Behavior Therapy or Countertransference and fun social work stuff like that. He really pushes me to take some risks and try new techniques. I know that next year will be an adventure...I just hope my field instructor is as wonderful as mine this year!!

The Countdown Begins!

I have officially begun to countdown to graduation. The entire process is bittersweet. I have to coordinate my schedule to fit in more group projects than I would like (don’t get me started on my feelings about group projects), and I have to prepare for finals. Additionally, I feel like the clock is ticking and I have so much I want to do. I want to personally thank all of the professors that have in the last two years played a critical role in helping me develop as a professional and a social worker. I want to speak to my classmates and future colleagues who have inspired me and I want to share with them what a huge impact they have had in my life during the last two years. On top of all of that I want to finish my MSW strong while keeping in mind that I still have another Master’s degree to finish. I am three classes away from my MPA which I planned to finish this summer. However, due to my new job I will be unable to do so and will finish it this December. If you know me personally, you would know how much it bothers me to have to change my carefully established plans, but one thing I’ve learned in these past two years is that I have to be flexible. I am experiencing some separation anxiety as graduation approaches, but I have come to accept that all good things must come to an end and I have to move on the next chapter of my life.

Termination

Today was a harder day than I had imagined. I terminated with a client that I have grown to care deeply about over the past few months. I have seen her grow in ways that only affirm to me her strength and power. She has come along way and I know that she is ready to fly on her own. We discussed her strengths and her accomplishments and it was then that I saw the real work in progress. When I first started working with her I was doing most of the talking. I was giving her positive affirmations, yet now at the end of therapy she is the one giving herself positive affirmations. I feel a bit sad, yet I am really happy too. I know that the therapeutic process is difficult and for the first time I had the privilege to see a client ready to fly the coupe. I know that she will be one that I remember over the years and fondly think about. It does not make it easier to say goodbye to her but it does make it better to know that she is ready to terminate and use the wings that she developed during our work together.

It is almost here!

Wow, so summer is almost here. However, before I start thinking about summer I need to focus on writing all my final papers. Tonight I received my last assignment in Human Behavior. I now have all of my finals sitting on my desk just staring back at me. Now is the time to get down to business, although truth be told I probably will not start on them until next week since this week my focus is on my upcoming research exam. Research has been my most difficult class since I had no prior research experience. Well that is not entirely true, I did take a research methods class in my junior year of undergrad however, we did not talk about validity, reliability and there was no mention of statistics. I have been a bit lost in research and I have finally reached the conclusion that my perfection issues need not apply to this class. If I get a B in this class I will be thoroughly overjoyed. Research is tough but human behavior is fun and exciting, therefore it seems to all balance out. As the year comes to an end I honestly am experiencing mixed emotions. I am stressed about the finals (of course), I am feeling happy about my concentration year placement choices, nervous about the interviews and challenged by my research class. All in all it has been an interesting, at times frustrating and fun experience. In less than a month I will be done with my first year placement, and my first year of graduate school. Holy smokes, time flies when your having fun!!!

On the final stretch (prt 2)

Running this race, the 400m race, is similar to the race I've been experiencing during my final year in the graduate school. For instance, when I began my concentration year, I had a blueprint in my mind. The blueprint detailed my plans on receiving straight As, impressing my supervisors and mentors at my field placement, improving my clinical and mezzo level skills, improving my organization and time management skills, and just growing overall as a person.

So I went into the first quarter of the school year strong. I was keeping up with all my assigned readings, participating in classes, getting As on papers and projects, and so on. Life was going according to plan and things were great. But as the Fall semester lingered on, outside incidents involving my family, friends, and colleagues began to slow up my progress and I steadily began to fall behind. Consequently, I couldn't keep up with the readings, I was too stressed to participate in my classes, and my midterm grades were not where I wanted them to be. In a sense, I began to feel like I was gradually losing the race.

But just when everything seemed to be going in a downwards spiral the phone calls began. Inspirational and motivational phone calls from my parents, sisters, and close friends. "Yo, I know you stressin' right now, but you've been doing this for 6 yrs. You're a veteran, you got this man....you didn't come this far to give up now, get your head up and get it done," my best friend Chris said one Friday evening. He was right. I had indeed come far. I had endured many personal trials and tribulations and I was still standing. In retrospect, these encouraging words were just what I needed to hear from my loved ones at that point in the semester. Picking up my pace, I gradually got back on track. And by the end of the Fall semester I was slowly gaining ground, step by step.

Entering into that final turn of the Spring semester, my previous efforts were suddenly detoured when my supervisor became gravely ill and was forced to go on medical leave for the rest of the school year. I was devastated. He had been my mentor, the social work professional I had someday hoped to be, and now he was gone. But despite his absence and struggling financially amongst other things, I told myself I had to keep my head up and keep moving. And that's exactly what I did. I continued to see all my clients, attend meetings with adminstrators, hold parent conferences, get my school work completed, and participate in my classes. Matter of fact, I even increased my caseload to motivate me to work that much harder. The month of March was coming to an end, and I felt myself gathering what track athletes refer to as that "second-wind" to make it to May 11th, 2007.

Today is April 10th, 2007 and I find myself strategically weaving through all my final papers, projects, presentations, and job interviews towards to reach my ultimate goal--graduation. From the very beginning, it was never an easy race. It was one with its ups and downs, its failures and successes. It was a race characterized by sleepless nights of anxiety and isolated tears of frustration. I had always had the desire to finish the race, but never knew exactly how I would finish, or if I would have the perserverance to do so. But here I am today, standing firm with a ingenius grin on my face, neck and neck with life and all of its unknowns. And for the first time during my 2 years in the Social Work graduate program, I can see myself finishing in first place, walking across that stage on graduation day to win the race.

On the final stretch (prt 1)

It's feels like I'm running the 400m race all over again. But this time I'm not a Letter Men jacket wearing, think-nobody-can-beat-me, too cool for school,hot shot track star at Buena Park High School. Ha, I'm far from it. I am now a button down shirt wearing, hope-I-can-get-a-job, 603-Research-class-fearing, social work intern at the University of Southern California who, at the end of his career hopes to not receive a medal for "Most Valuable Player", but a dipolma for "Most Promising Future". Now pay attention.

As I come around the first turn, I'm plotting strategy in my head. You know, like any conscious person would do. "Easy does it Bobby, easy does it, they won't know what hit them", I repeat to myself; the subliminal message causes me to grin a little. As I entered into the first straightaway, I hear the sounds of heavy spiked cleats punturing the hard, chalked ground below me. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I notice no one else in sight. I think I'm in last place.

The aggresive pounding of my heart is seemingly synchronized with my heavy breathing. My vision becomes slightly blurred. Sweat trickles down my entire face like a thunderous rainstorm against a window pane. I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the finish line.

Suddenly I hear voices, familiar sounding voices. It's Coach Hirsch. "NOW Gilmore! NOW!" "Let's GO, let's GO!" he screams, running along the inside perimeter of the track. Although I was in last place approaching the final stretch, coach knew like I knew, that the race was far from over. Coming on strong into the final stretch, I turn on the afterburns. They were the same afterburners that had earned me the nickname "The Roadrunner" and made me the all-time record holder for fastest 400m time in school history (48.13 secs). The collective gasps of my seated onlookers in the bleachers told the entire story. Just when it seemed that all was lost and as though I'd surely finish in last place, I began catching up--and I was catching up fast. I don't think my opponents believed it either. I suddenly began weaving my way through the tall athletic bodies of my opponents like a master seamster. Delirum and dehydration consumed my fraile, 130lb frame. "Get em son, get em son!" my parents cheered in unison from the stands. With 50 yards to go, there was only one more person to beat; Ronnie Harrison, last year's CIF 400m 2-time defending champion. 30 yards to go, I was gaining on him. 20 yards, we were neck and neck. 10 yards to go...I was giving it 150 percent. As our exhausted bodies reached the crimson colored finish line tape, I closed my eyes, leaned forward like coach had taught me to do in such a situation, and hoped for the best...

Missing My School Family

The other day I was sitting in front of Leavey library waiting for my group to arrive for our meeting and I began to think about all the things I will miss when I graduate my MSW program. I realized that the thing I will miss the most will be my school family. My fellow board members in the Latino/a Social Work Caucus are my family away from home and I could not believe how hard it was for me to think about us separating. When I first took a board position I did not have a close relationship with any of my fellow board members and we only knew each other from our classes. However, we have grown to be so close and as a team we have led a wonderful and successful Caucus throughout the year. I acknowledge that being part of a student organization is a whole lot of work and it is comparable to having another job, but the rewards that the work brings with it is difficult for me to quantify. The feeling of being part of something so wonderful is fulfilling and motivating at the same time. I was also able to find support and motivation from my fellow board members that carried me through a number of challenges that I faced throughout my graduate school experience. My advice to any incoming social work student is to get involved and I promise your graduate school experience will be enhanced.

Something positive!

Today I met with my client and realized that she has grown throughout our time together. She has an open case with DCFS and was referred to me because she needed to work on issues around anger. When I first met her she stated that she did not hit her children and that she could not understand why she was in her current state. Today when I was in session, she admitted fault and was able to take full responsibility for her actions. I noticed that she is using the breathing techniques we went over and problem solving before she reacts. She is able to view her own childhood and remember the abuse that happened to her. She recognizes the cycle of violence and wishes to put and end to it. Also, it is important to ad that she is handling situations differently. It is amazing to witness such growth in a short amount of time. It sometimes nice to reflect on the change that happens and it's something positive to add to my day!

Tired!

Midterms are completed and I am tired. I realized that there is only 4 weeks left of school and I should begin working on finals. Not to mentioned I will be terminating with clients and will need to offer referrals and discharge plans to each client. The problem I am having is that I can not muster up enough energy to complete my work. I'm tired and every time I look at text book I get overwhelmed. I am just done! I am physically and mentally tired. Last week, I slept through my alarm clock and missed one of my classes. That's when you know you are tired. I think what is getting me through this process is that it will all be over soon. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I envision summer break, me spending time with friends and family, going on vacation and reading for fun. I just need to get through the next four week, which when you think about it, will go rather quickly. Before I know it, my first year will be over and done with. I am ready, ready for it all to be done and too final get some rest!