December 16th, was the first time I ever visited an orphanage in my entire life and the experience was a powerful one. The Latino/a Social Work Caucus and the International Social Work Caucus took a trip to the La Gloria Orphanage in Tijuana, Mexico. The purpose of the trip is to take the orphanage donations and to spend the day with the children. The trip for me was an amazing one as it was filled with so many mixed emotions. As I sat and rocked one of the infants to sleep I couldn't help but wonder how his life would be in ten years, or in twenty years and how his development would be affected by living in an orphanage with no parents. Rocking the baby to sleep was one of the hardest experiences I have ever had as a social work student. As I sat there with the baby in my arms, I recognized that he embodied or represented so many vulnerable children. The emotions were so overwhelming that I began to cry. In hindsight, I realize that I wasn't just crying for him, but I was crying for all of the children that I have encountered who are vulnerable and who need an adult that will protect them and love them.
While holding him I began to wonder what my life would have been like if I didn't have my mother, and suddenly I was filled with gratitude for having had her guidance, love, and presence consistantly throughout my entire existence. I then began to do some self-reflection and began to think back about the countless times that I have told people, "Oh, I grew up with just my mother". Never again will I use that phrase, because I now know that all I needed was one person who was always there to care for me, and I was lucky enough to have my mother for that. Recognizing how important my mother's presence was in shaping who I am helped me recognize how much I can affect a child's life through adoption. I have always considered adoption in the future when I am in a committed relationship with a life partner, but my experiences with the children in the orphanage truly solidified my desire to some day become an adoptive parent. As we left the orphanage we had to process our emotions as a group, and although we left with a sense of satisfaction for having come out to spend a day with the children we all left with a certain level of sadness as we left them behind. The one consolation that I walked away with is the commitment with which the orphanage serves the children and the commitment of the caucuses to continue working with the orphanage for years to come.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Graduation- Just around the corner!
This is my third and final year in the program and everyone knows that I'm ready to walk across that stage, grab my diploma, take pictures, and run into the work force. Enrolling in the three-year part time program was beneficial to me as a parent, wife, and employee. I don't think that I would have made it through the program otherwise. Even though I was eager to graduate this past year with all of my friends who started the program with me, I am fortunate to have had a lighter work load my first two years which allowed me to establish valuable relationships with my professors, be involved in school, community, and work-related activities, and feeling less stressful.
Truth be told, the time has gone by fast, especially since I have acknowledged that graduation is just months away. I am told that the last semester of grad school goes by faster than any other semester. My field instructor encouraged me to pace myself, be organized, and take each day to learn all that I can. I will therefore take her advice and proceed through this final semester of grad school with caution, perseverance, and pride.
Registration...Ha!
Don't freight! You may have heard horror stories about students unsuccessfully registering for courses. However, if you plan ahead, ask questions (BEFORE HAND, not the day of), and have a clear understanding of what it is you want to take, and then you should be fine.
I agree, registration is rather nerve racking in the event the online web registration system fails (that's technology for you), or you attempt to register but a message comes back stating that you have to get clearance (Plan ahead!), and or you see that there is space remaining in a class that you wanted to take but once you've selected to commit changes to your registration, you get a message that the class is CLOSED (that's the luck of the draw).
Tips for registration:
~Become acquainted with the registration personnel
~Plan ahead
~Ask Questions
~Be proactive
~Avoid asking question the day of registration
~Be at a computer 5 minutes prior to your registration time, waiting for the clock to strike your exact registration time so that you can go clicking away. Oh, it helps to have the course numbers/class schedule readily available.
Deep breathing exercises may work to reduce some of the anxiety you experience around registration.
Wanna know what it's like to hear voices?
Some weeks ago in my Department of Mental Health seminar, I had the most profound opportunity to see what it is like for people who hear voices. Now, you may be wondering how this is possible. So, a middle aged woman who has schizophrenia and suffers auditory hallucinations developed a program in an effort to better serve people who hear voices. The program is designed for therapist to experience what it is like for their clients to hear voices with the hope of clinicians enhancing their ability to be competent, empathetic, and ultimately respect their client's right to self-determination.
Each participant was given a portable CD player, headphones, a compact disc with recorded voices (similar to the actual voices people hear), and a task. My task was to walk to the university post-office and purchase a stamp while hearing the voices. To say the least, it was DISTURBING, MIND-BLOWING, and DEPRESSING. The voices would say things like, "their out to get you", "eat feces, eat feces", "you are ugly, stupid", and at times I could not make out what the voices were say. At one point, I was determined to remove the headphones because I started to feel nauseated and had disapproving images come to mind.
Overall, I gained much from the activity so far as learning to process with clients what it is like for them to hear voices and respect their Reponses rather than disregard them. I also gained insight to how important it is for people who hear voices to interact with others since this tends to lesson the distress they feel. Moreover, I am further motivated to work in the field of social work so that I not only share the knowledge I've acquired with other professions, but to encourage people to change! As a change agent, I am thrilled to be apart of the field of social work so that I can assist in moving mountains so that we (all people) can live up to their greatest potential.
Go SOCIAL WORKERS...DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, and WHATEVER IT IS YOU OUGHT TO DO.
Each participant was given a portable CD player, headphones, a compact disc with recorded voices (similar to the actual voices people hear), and a task. My task was to walk to the university post-office and purchase a stamp while hearing the voices. To say the least, it was DISTURBING, MIND-BLOWING, and DEPRESSING. The voices would say things like, "their out to get you", "eat feces, eat feces", "you are ugly, stupid", and at times I could not make out what the voices were say. At one point, I was determined to remove the headphones because I started to feel nauseated and had disapproving images come to mind.
Overall, I gained much from the activity so far as learning to process with clients what it is like for them to hear voices and respect their Reponses rather than disregard them. I also gained insight to how important it is for people who hear voices to interact with others since this tends to lesson the distress they feel. Moreover, I am further motivated to work in the field of social work so that I not only share the knowledge I've acquired with other professions, but to encourage people to change! As a change agent, I am thrilled to be apart of the field of social work so that I can assist in moving mountains so that we (all people) can live up to their greatest potential.
Go SOCIAL WORKERS...DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, and WHATEVER IT IS YOU OUGHT TO DO.
The most amazing feedback!
Who says hard work doesn't pay off? Well, mine sure has. Just a few days ago I received an email from my Social Work in Schools professor. Take a look:
..."In any case, you are to be commended for doing such a fine job. The importance of detail and ecological and economic perspective on the child came across in all your entries, presentations, and related paper as well. You consistently presented well-reasoned positions along with tons of information in a way that I'm sure many of your classmates will use in years to come. I honestly hope you will rise in the ranks in a school district (or politically) and work to affect the kinds of changes you talked about in your reaction journals and in class. I think you’d be able to have a tremendous impact because you have a strong vision and verbal/ written skills to articulate change at the policy levels. In any case, no matter where you chose to contribute, we are lucky to have you in our field. Finally, I want to express my gratitude for you classroom contributions. You did not shy away from expressing ideas and wrestling with controversial materials with your peers in class. I think they learned much from your many ideas and your arguments. As you can see I have nothing but doting praise for which you are and the work you have done in my class. I wish you great luck in all you future endeavors and projects, Take care", Ron Astor > Class grade A+
..."In any case, you are to be commended for doing such a fine job. The importance of detail and ecological and economic perspective on the child came across in all your entries, presentations, and related paper as well. You consistently presented well-reasoned positions along with tons of information in a way that I'm sure many of your classmates will use in years to come. I honestly hope you will rise in the ranks in a school district (or politically) and work to affect the kinds of changes you talked about in your reaction journals and in class. I think you’d be able to have a tremendous impact because you have a strong vision and verbal/ written skills to articulate change at the policy levels. In any case, no matter where you chose to contribute, we are lucky to have you in our field. Finally, I want to express my gratitude for you classroom contributions. You did not shy away from expressing ideas and wrestling with controversial materials with your peers in class. I think they learned much from your many ideas and your arguments. As you can see I have nothing but doting praise for which you are and the work you have done in my class. I wish you great luck in all you future endeavors and projects, Take care", Ron Astor > Class grade A+
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
My Last Break
This officially marks the last winter break I will have as an MSW student. I don't know what it is with me but I am suddenly hyper aware of all things that are ending that are associated with graduate school...and it makes me very sad, but on the bright side I will have the next few weeks to regain my strength because next semester promises to be CRAZY. Primarily because I will be taking too many units due to my dual degree. My strategy at this point is to plan early and do as much as possible during the break and to plan and organize everything well....I'll keep you all posted on how well that works. : )
As for the break, I hope to get a whole lot of sleep. I also want to read for leisure and I want to focus on reading only my Spanish books...gotta keep it fluent (I got an awesome book on substance abuse that is completely in Spanish, so I plan to work on my use of clinical terms in Spanish) I also plan to indulge in one of my FAVORITE pastimes which is oil painting. I have agreed to create a piece to be sold in this year's Latino/a Social Work Caucus silent auction. I donated one last year and I would love to contribute again. I am also making a very large piece for a friend of mine, so I will definitely be allowing my creative juices to flow. Oh yes, I will be going to A LOT of holiday PARTIES...that's one of my favorite pass times as well, and I'll be watching the movie ELF one too many times.
As for the break, I hope to get a whole lot of sleep. I also want to read for leisure and I want to focus on reading only my Spanish books...gotta keep it fluent (I got an awesome book on substance abuse that is completely in Spanish, so I plan to work on my use of clinical terms in Spanish) I also plan to indulge in one of my FAVORITE pastimes which is oil painting. I have agreed to create a piece to be sold in this year's Latino/a Social Work Caucus silent auction. I donated one last year and I would love to contribute again. I am also making a very large piece for a friend of mine, so I will definitely be allowing my creative juices to flow. Oh yes, I will be going to A LOT of holiday PARTIES...that's one of my favorite pass times as well, and I'll be watching the movie ELF one too many times.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Goals for break
I'm done, and I put in so many extra hours at my internship that I was let out early...yay me!
Plans for break...
Read: Beloved, Einstein's Space and Van Gogh's Sky...and if I'm lucky..the namesake, or rebecca.
Take my nephews, nieces and cousins to visit: the museum of natural history, california science center, rene magritte at LACMA, the getty...again, and a short trip to san fran.
I wanna catch up on some cog b...throw in some more family psych with thomas fogarty and finish up my khantzian book on suffering and substance abuse.
On Wed, I'm forcing myself to go to therapy...and hopefully I don't die in the process. If they catch on quick, I might have to address how my perfectionism and overachieving mindset gets in the way of me being ok with myself...If that is the case...I will go out kicking and screaming...and in the end, maybe my only goal for break will be to sleep...and make space for the dreaded notion of self care.
Plans for break...
Read: Beloved, Einstein's Space and Van Gogh's Sky...and if I'm lucky..the namesake, or rebecca.
Take my nephews, nieces and cousins to visit: the museum of natural history, california science center, rene magritte at LACMA, the getty...again, and a short trip to san fran.
I wanna catch up on some cog b...throw in some more family psych with thomas fogarty and finish up my khantzian book on suffering and substance abuse.
On Wed, I'm forcing myself to go to therapy...and hopefully I don't die in the process. If they catch on quick, I might have to address how my perfectionism and overachieving mindset gets in the way of me being ok with myself...If that is the case...I will go out kicking and screaming...and in the end, maybe my only goal for break will be to sleep...and make space for the dreaded notion of self care.
I am OFFICIALLY done!
Great News....Finals are over. Believe it or not the fact that finals are over is a bitter sweet experience. I feel fortunate that I was able to complete everything this semester, and by everything I include my other one thousand and one responsibilities I have beside school and internship. However, exactly five months from today I will be graduating, and I am sad that I am one step closer to leaving my graduate studies, but I am excited about what lies ahead. I am already starting to process my feelings of loss over this whole leaving graduate school issue, but I am also preparing myself for the real world, and really trying to put my finger on what route I will be taking.
I really have had an awesome semester marked by little sleep, lots of personal and academic growth, the development of friendships with my classmates and future colleagues, and of course the development of my identity as a social worker. So, I feel like a bit of advice would be useful here, and that is to get involved in as much as you can handle. I have by far had the busiest semester of my life because my plate is full, but with some time management and organization I was able to be an active participant in an array of activities. Ultimately, my days as a social work student were not merely marked by attending class and going to internship (note: there's nothing wrong with that), but I was able to be involved in so many activities that I am passionate about. I know it can be a bit intimidating to have so many responsibilities, but its such a rich experience that shouldn't be passed up. Some people call me crazy for taking on so much...Including my family, but I realize that my time in graduate school is limited, and I have to maximize the opportunities while I am there. So my advice to all those that are considering graduate school is to MAXIMIZE ALL YOUR OPPORTUNITIES.
I really have had an awesome semester marked by little sleep, lots of personal and academic growth, the development of friendships with my classmates and future colleagues, and of course the development of my identity as a social worker. So, I feel like a bit of advice would be useful here, and that is to get involved in as much as you can handle. I have by far had the busiest semester of my life because my plate is full, but with some time management and organization I was able to be an active participant in an array of activities. Ultimately, my days as a social work student were not merely marked by attending class and going to internship (note: there's nothing wrong with that), but I was able to be involved in so many activities that I am passionate about. I know it can be a bit intimidating to have so many responsibilities, but its such a rich experience that shouldn't be passed up. Some people call me crazy for taking on so much...Including my family, but I realize that my time in graduate school is limited, and I have to maximize the opportunities while I am there. So my advice to all those that are considering graduate school is to MAXIMIZE ALL YOUR OPPORTUNITIES.
Monday, December 04, 2006
The Challenges of Field
I need to vent about the challenges of field. The reality is that being at a large public agency in a COPA placement is very different than being in the clinical setting. I am still adjusting to being results oriented rather than process oriented...by the way it took me a lot of time to arrive at that conclusion. It was very challenging for me to switch from having to worry about clinical interventions to dealing with deadlines and bottomlines. Now I am expected to produce and what I produce is clear and tangible, nothing like clinical services. So, as you enter the COPA world be advised that the shift is one that may be challenging initially, but its necessary. Additionally, I make use of all the clinical skills that I learned first year in order to effectively interact with others even if they aren't clients. The bottom line is that we are all human and those clinical skills sure do come in handy. The COPA world is a different moster, but I feel that my field placement has effectively prepared me to navigate the COPA world : ).
The Worse is OVER!!!!
Okay,
So last week I had two presentations. One was 30 minutes and the other was 40 minutes. By far the worse is over. Although, I am comfortable with public speaking there were certain elements that made last week's presentations ultra anxiety provoking. For my Program Design/Grantwriting we presented as if we were seeking funding for a program that our group designed. The challenge is that you must be able to justify your rationale for EVERYTHING, I mean seriously from our chosen intervention, to whether or not the budget was fiscally sound (we did extra well in that area 'cause I had a budget and finance class this semester...thank goodness for that budget class....wow never thought I would say that). Anywho, then we had to present a research methodology that will actually be used to assess cultural competence interventions in a major county agency, and the professor brought in the variuos agency representatives to see our presentations....needless to say I was a bit NERVOUS! Good news is that we made it through...and now I just have one 30 pager, 1 grant to finish writing, and a comprehensive exam...and I am a FREE WOMAN!!!!! Oh yes...went to the USC/UCLA game Saturday and had a blast at a tailgate hosted by USC MSW alumni, but of course the loss put a damper on my good mood....and lets just say I'm not ready to talk about it yet 'cause I'm still processing the loss.
So last week I had two presentations. One was 30 minutes and the other was 40 minutes. By far the worse is over. Although, I am comfortable with public speaking there were certain elements that made last week's presentations ultra anxiety provoking. For my Program Design/Grantwriting we presented as if we were seeking funding for a program that our group designed. The challenge is that you must be able to justify your rationale for EVERYTHING, I mean seriously from our chosen intervention, to whether or not the budget was fiscally sound (we did extra well in that area 'cause I had a budget and finance class this semester...thank goodness for that budget class....wow never thought I would say that). Anywho, then we had to present a research methodology that will actually be used to assess cultural competence interventions in a major county agency, and the professor brought in the variuos agency representatives to see our presentations....needless to say I was a bit NERVOUS! Good news is that we made it through...and now I just have one 30 pager, 1 grant to finish writing, and a comprehensive exam...and I am a FREE WOMAN!!!!! Oh yes...went to the USC/UCLA game Saturday and had a blast at a tailgate hosted by USC MSW alumni, but of course the loss put a damper on my good mood....and lets just say I'm not ready to talk about it yet 'cause I'm still processing the loss.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
fixing my family
Why do people who choose their jobs over their families choose to have families in the first place? I might not be so mad about this except that it affects my sister and nephews' psychological welfare. Times like this truly remind me that when issues are close to home, it becomes incredibly hard to remain objective. Being a social worker, I naturally want to fix things...especially my family...and I can't fix my family. It frustrates me that I work daily to help people discover themselves and to live holistic healthy lives, and the lives I care about the most are the ones I feel powerless over. I don't like to see the ones I love hurt...who does?
It's even worse that I have become my family's keeper...everyone comes to me and I carry the burden, because in reality, I don't have problems like they have problems. I don't have husbands or wives. I don't have children who are applying for college or mortgages to pay, I don't have parents to support or businesses to run. So when they come to me needing help, I can't say no. I feel guilty saying no. I can't give much, but I can give my mind and my time, and considering how much they've given me, I don't feel like I should say no. This causes problems...like, decreasing the amount of time I have to spend on my school work which inevitably results in increased stress and probably several years off my life span, but I deal with it. In the scheme of the thing called LIFE, what's more important: my family or my grades? I pick my family, time and time again...and I imagine that I'll continue to do so.
It's even worse that I have become my family's keeper...everyone comes to me and I carry the burden, because in reality, I don't have problems like they have problems. I don't have husbands or wives. I don't have children who are applying for college or mortgages to pay, I don't have parents to support or businesses to run. So when they come to me needing help, I can't say no. I feel guilty saying no. I can't give much, but I can give my mind and my time, and considering how much they've given me, I don't feel like I should say no. This causes problems...like, decreasing the amount of time I have to spend on my school work which inevitably results in increased stress and probably several years off my life span, but I deal with it. In the scheme of the thing called LIFE, what's more important: my family or my grades? I pick my family, time and time again...and I imagine that I'll continue to do so.
Biggest lesson
Some people have argued that working as a social worker is more difficult than attending graduate school in social work. Obviously I haven't experienced what it's like to JUST work as a full time social worker, but I have to say I think part of that reasoning exists because we just forget what it was like to be in school. Even if school wasn't intellectually challenging (which it can be if you engage in it), the workload itself is enough to make you a little delirious. I think the lesson I learned most from this program is how to survive in a social worker's environment, particularly carrying a large workload with little resources in varying styles of management. I definitely learned how to engage in self care, self reflection, time management and the art of talking myself through perseverance the possibility of imminent failure. Sometimes we have to set priorities and just accept that we can't do everything.
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